The Gods Have Proclaimed: The Texans Are Doing Too Well

Houston Texans: 1st Place AFC South
Offensive Yards: #1 in NFL
Points Per Game: #1 in NFL
ESPN Power Ranking: #3 in NFL

"Hey, God."

"Yes, sports angel?"

"The Houston Texans..."

"Yes. Nice working getting Brian Cushing out of there. Those Houston fans were getting a little too full of themselves."

"Well... sorry to report they beat the Colts and the Redskins. They're 2-0 and everyone is all happy."

"What!?!?"

"I'm sorry sir. You would have thought after Tony Boselli and David Carr, they would have realized that we were never going to let them win, but still they're finding a way to win. They keep using the P-word."

"I think its time to work your magic again. Cripple that offense."

"Yes, sir. It will look suspicious with us doing this right before they play your team..."

"FOR THE LAST TIME, THE ROMOSEXUALS ARE NOT GOD's TEAM!!!"

In related news, starting left tackle, Duane Brown has been suspended 4 games for violating the league's substance abuse policy approximately 36 hours after having one of those "Boy Duane Brown has really come around and is playing well" conversations with my father.

“After reviewing the appeal process and speaking with legal counsel, I have decided not to appeal my suspension,” Brown said. “I understand the rules and accept my punishment. I vow to learn from this mistake and be a better player and teammate because of it.”

Brown will miss the following games:

Dallas Cowboys
@Oakland Raiders (also known as the other Bye week)
New York Giants
Kansas City Chiefs

We'll keep you updated as the Gods continue to toy with our emotions.